Saturday, January 29, 2011

I Am God, For I Have Defeated All, Followed By Police Fail

I won at tick today. $6.75 richer bitches! I was stoked. Then I had cheesecake. I was ecstatic. Good night. I celebrated my parents' birthdays at my aunt's house, which is how I ended up playing tick/eating cheesecake. In other news, I've started coding some Android. Finally. All break, I was like, "Oh, yeah, I think I'm gonna be finishing up that project I started in class. I'm responsible like that," but then I didn't. Instead, I played games. All goddamn break. BALLS. Speaking of which, I've returned to Omegle. I thought I was over it, but I'm not. Once again, I have made the mistake of relinquishing contact information to another person with whom I will almost never talk again. Okay, I'm being boring. Maybe a story is in order.

I got the cops called on me once. Well, not me in particular, but a group I was in. There were 5 or 6 of us, all in high school, except one younger brother, and we were playing an original game called Ninja. The rules of the game went as such (to the best of my consistently inconsistent memory): One person was the "guard" and the others were "ninjas." The guard was armed with a flashlight and a gun, while the ninjas got swords and throwing stars. The object was for the guard to protect some item from being stolen, while also avoiding death by ninja. Since the guard could basically kill on sight, the name of the game was stealth. Well, it was Ninja, but you get my point. Anyway, one round, a couple of the guys decided to climb up onto a shed in the backyard of the house we were playing at, to avoid detection. Meanwhile, the neighbor behind the house decided to take a quick trip outside to light up his crack pipe (okay, technically, I have no way of knowing that, but I think it's a logical inference) and noticed the two people dressed all in black hovering above his backyard fence. One of the guys tried to gesture and tell him that they were playing Hide And Seek (He assumed, probably accurately, that using the actual title would be counter-productive), to which the person stared (probably trying to tell whether they were a hallucination or not, the junkie) and turned around to go back inside.

A few minutes later, I'm sneaking around out front, trying to distract the guard, when one of our local cops walks up to me and asks me what's going on. I explain that I'm playing a game with some friends. Still clueless as to what he was there for, I thought I might be in some danger, as he seems to be in a very serious mood. Then he tells me to sit on the curb and cross my legs. Uhh... What the fuck? Then, he and his um... partner, I guess (somehow implies professionalism, which was not apparent in these two assholes), round us all up, and sit us all down. We explain that we were playing a game, meanwhile ONE OF THEM HAS HIS HAND ON HIS GUN. What kind of fucking paranoid, trigger-happy cop is this guy? We are five white guys, clearly unarmed, high school or younger in a city with no murders (apart from one woman going postal) in the last 3 years. What does this guy expect is gonna happen? Asshole. One thing did occur to me, though: I really wish that they had been filming that. We have a local version of Cops, called "On Patrol with the Santa Daniela Police Department," where they bust the worst crimes of our city — pot possession, underage drinking, speeding — and I would have loved to see that.

Cop: "All right we got a call about a potential break-in. We don't get a lot of those here, so this could be big."
[drives a bit]
Cop: "Okay, here's the street, let's see what's up."
[walks a bit]
Cop: "Oh, there's a guy dressed in black, that looks promising. [to me] Hey! What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just playing a game with some friends..."
Cop: "Yeah? Well, where are these friends?"
Me: "Uh. Well, I dunno, cause it's like a hiding game."
Cop: "Yeah, sit on the curb and cross your legs."
Me: "Really? Uh, how —"
Cop: "Sit down!"
Me: "Okay, fine."
[collects kids]
Cop: "All right, I want one of you to describe what was going on."
One of the kids: "Uh, we were playing a game."
Cop: "What game?"
Kid: "Uh... Hide and seek."
Cop: "Mmmhm. Well, we got some reports of people dressed in black sneaking around."
[couple seconds of silence]
Kid 2: "Yeah, we were playing hide and seek..."
Cop: "Do you realize what that looks like to people looking outside?"
Kid: "Probably like their neighbor and their friends playing a game..."
Cop: "It looks like someone's trying to break into their house!"
Kid 3: "Are we really gonna be arrested for playing hide and seek?"
Cop: "Well, no, but you have to think about what it looks like to others!"

At this point, I assume the camera would move over to the second cop to cover up the embarrassment to SDPD by harassing a bunch of kids playing a kids' game, at which point he would explain:

Cop 2: "All right, so it's my first day. And I just got done watching Training Day, so I know the kind of shit that could go down here. These guys look like trouble. They're wearing black, ... they look like trouble. But I've got my ass covered. I'm ready to pull my gun at the drop of a hat. Any of those clowns even LOOKS at those sticks that they had, and BAM. They've got a new hole to breathe out of."

Oh, small town police, you think you're important.

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