Addiction

Two weeks. Yeah, I suppose that's long enough. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

I am addicted to Muse. I get anxious in everyday life, as a song will be stuck in my head for as long as I'm not listening to it (Also, it's not nearly as satisfying as actually listening to it). When I finally sit down at the end of the day in my bed, and put on my Muse playlist in Grooveshark, I actually breathe a sigh of relief, as if I'm finally releasing all the built up anxiety caused by simply not listening to Muse for awhile. I just can't get tired of them, and it's like the best part of my day when I finally get to just sit there and listen to my own personal Holy Trinity (Well, one of them, the other being John, Paul, and George). I actually get a bit of a high when I listen to some of my favorite songs. Every bit of my emotion is dictated by the mood of the song, and my thoughts get lost in the lyrics.

I am addicted to holding off. Somehow, I started putting off doing certain things, like eating, or sleeping, and when I finally did them, it felt fantastic. After not eating for awhile, food tastes amazing. After staying up for a long time, sleep feels ecstatic (It's 4 AM right now). When I finally get to do what it is I've been holding off on, I again feel this sort of high, my body showing its appreciation for finally giving it what it craves.

I am addicted to drumming. I think part of the reason I'm still awake (other than forgetting to take melatonin again) is because I haven't taken time out of my day to drum on Rock Band. All day, I can't stop drumming on every surface available (to the annoyance of anybody unfortunate enough to be in my proximity), and if I don't let it all out, I find it much harder to fall asleep. I don't get the same kind of high as with Muse and holding off sleep, but I still feel like I'm releasing pent up energy and anxiety by hitting those rubber pads.

I am addicted to helping people. My success rate is arguable, but I get some kind of pleasure out of trying to talk people through rough times. Perhaps this stems from feeling useful, when I often feel I have nothing to offer, or perhaps, as it is mostly women that I talk to this way, I have some small, subconscious hope that romance will somehow stem from it. Either way, I get something out of it, and it's part of the reason I continue to browse Omegle: to find insecure girls who I can help by talking them through issues.

It would appear I have some issues.