*cough* *shuffle feet* *avoid eye contact*

So, the good news is: I can see the future. Sort of. I haven't given up on this yet, even though I've already missed a day. Tell you what, I'll do two posts today. Yeah, that's a thing that's going to happen. Definitely.

Yesterday, I had a good chat with my therapist about dating sites. For the longest time, despite my relative success with them, I hated dating sites. I even had prepared a long post about how shitty they are back in 2012, but abandoned it, because that's what I do with projects. However, I've realized that every flaw with dating sites comes from human error. People are doing it wrong.

First, Tinder is not a dating site, and dating sites are not Tinder. I really don't like that OkCupid has implemented a Tinder-like "Quick Match," because the idea behind dating sites is that you aren't rapidly going through pictures, asking yourself "Bang?" and then with a swipe of a finger passing permanent judgement on a complete stranger. Even before Tinder set a shitty standard, though, dating sites were notorious for men spamming every woman with "Hey. Fuck?" trying to play the "numbers game."* People, cut that shit out. Being an asshole on a computer doesn't make you less of an asshole, and you don't have to be an asshole to get laid (I actually find it's usually counterproductive).

A more common and gender-neutral problem, though – and one I've fallen into – is over-commitment, or over-projection. Nothing can replace human-to-human contact. You can't really know whether or not you will like someone until you've talked with them in person. It might be romantic to plan an expensive dinner for a cute girl you met online, but reality is not known for its mercy. Maybe her pictures are all outdated, and she's not as cute as you thought. Maybe she went Cyrano on you, and had someone helping her out with the flirty texts. Or maybe you've been texting this guy, and you've started to create an idea of what he's like, and how he will be. Then on the date, he could be perfectly fine, but doesn't fit into the expectation you've created for him.

The genders are reversible here, of course, as the point is that you don't really know someone until you know someone, and dating sites are not how you get to know someone. Dating sites are how you find people to meet. If you consider the "typical" life cycle of a successful non-online dating experience, it might go something like this:

1. Meet someone at a public place, like a bar or gym
2. Talk to them, get their number
3. Call them and set up a date
4. Go on the date
5. Continue dating until you are "in a relationship"

Dating sites are the rough equivalent of arranging a time to meet in a public place, or number 1, on the list, while most people treat it like number 4. If the meet goes well, you of course can extend the meet into a date, but it's crucial that you don't commit to spending too much time or money on somebody that you immediately know you aren't interested in upon meeting them. Have an escape route ready, just in case.

So, anyway, I'm having someone I met online over at my house this weekend, to help me cook dinner for the two of us. Should be fun.

*The lottery is also a numbers game